I dreamt
but it wasn’t my dream.
There was a spirit knocking on the window of my soul
and as I awoke the knocking continued
and when I closed my eyes again,
I unintentionally opened the window to my soul
The spirit told me I mustn’t feel disappointed.
There never was anything to conquer
and the stranger softly breathing next to me
had all the answers all along.
So I’ll just keep my eyes closed
and there’d be no judgment
we’ll just be,
with spirits floating by the window,
and we both know how that’ll end…
Oh did I offend you?
Does it make you sad? Did I make you mad?
Frankly, I don’t respect you.
I had just hoped, for your sake, that you have a more,
genuine,
reason to run.
No. It’s just that you’re a coward.
I guess we all want to be read or heard;
I understand.
But crossing the line between maturity and death,
like the apple that falls when it ripens,
is no temptation.
I don’t respect those who run like I don’t respect those who self-destruct,
sometimes I don’t respect myself.
I used to want to glue you back together but I never understood you.
and honestly
It no longer appeals to me to care for some lost kid who doesn’t wanna be found.
There’s only so much you can do
walking on eggshells all day long,
tip-toeing the fine line between insanity and passion
mapping the borders of infancy to demise
and never really maturing.
The parts I miss, were the elusive pieces of your mind
you somehow managed to erase.
I’m tired. I'm sorry I’m all used up.
It does feel good to get up and leave while no one cares,
but sometimes in my cruel moments of self-destruction
it feels even better to stick around
just long enough to make you care;
Just enough to make you twinge when I walk away…
as if unaffected I smile and cross,
from passion to insanity once again:
and I become that little girl who still doesn’t know she can stop believing;
who’s in love with a little boy who believes in miracles still
and feels like a hero with the red tablecloth over his shoulders.
The truth is,
there’s no one reality and what I perceive and project is the reality you’ll never feel
and I will never know what it means to be a whole.
It’s just that life,
has a big, wide gap in it,
and I seem to not know how to bridge it, or fill it.
The truth is,
I’ve outgrown my pot
and my mother,
with her green thumb
needs to tweak the twigs,
dig me a big hole six feet deep and let me grow elsewhere.
You’ve become too small for me…
and when I will grow,
I may even be able to unwind that body of torment
secreted under the dark bridge of a memory,
to not have to forgive the life she was never meant to have.
My soul knocks on the door of your dream…
Spirit stuck in the pipes of purgatory,
and there’s no crossing over the crossed fingers wishing the dream away.
I don’t want it.
the dream of an alternate reality was never mine to claim.
you take it!
I was raised to believe in a truth that dies away in comparison to the convoluted lie that you are.
I chose not to respect your deities
and I became a tortured soul
floating behind the window you forgot to close tonight.
April 30, 2012
but it wasn’t my dream.
There was a spirit knocking on the window of my soul
and as I awoke the knocking continued
and when I closed my eyes again,
I unintentionally opened the window to my soul
The spirit told me I mustn’t feel disappointed.
There never was anything to conquer
and the stranger softly breathing next to me
had all the answers all along.
So I’ll just keep my eyes closed
and there’d be no judgment
we’ll just be,
with spirits floating by the window,
and we both know how that’ll end…
Oh did I offend you?
Does it make you sad? Did I make you mad?
Frankly, I don’t respect you.
I had just hoped, for your sake, that you have a more,
genuine,
reason to run.
No. It’s just that you’re a coward.
I guess we all want to be read or heard;
I understand.
But crossing the line between maturity and death,
like the apple that falls when it ripens,
is no temptation.
I don’t respect those who run like I don’t respect those who self-destruct,
sometimes I don’t respect myself.
I used to want to glue you back together but I never understood you.
and honestly
It no longer appeals to me to care for some lost kid who doesn’t wanna be found.
There’s only so much you can do
walking on eggshells all day long,
tip-toeing the fine line between insanity and passion
mapping the borders of infancy to demise
and never really maturing.
The parts I miss, were the elusive pieces of your mind
you somehow managed to erase.
I’m tired. I'm sorry I’m all used up.
It does feel good to get up and leave while no one cares,
but sometimes in my cruel moments of self-destruction
it feels even better to stick around
just long enough to make you care;
Just enough to make you twinge when I walk away…
as if unaffected I smile and cross,
from passion to insanity once again:
and I become that little girl who still doesn’t know she can stop believing;
who’s in love with a little boy who believes in miracles still
and feels like a hero with the red tablecloth over his shoulders.
The truth is,
there’s no one reality and what I perceive and project is the reality you’ll never feel
and I will never know what it means to be a whole.
It’s just that life,
has a big, wide gap in it,
and I seem to not know how to bridge it, or fill it.
The truth is,
I’ve outgrown my pot
and my mother,
with her green thumb
needs to tweak the twigs,
dig me a big hole six feet deep and let me grow elsewhere.
You’ve become too small for me…
and when I will grow,
I may even be able to unwind that body of torment
secreted under the dark bridge of a memory,
to not have to forgive the life she was never meant to have.
My soul knocks on the door of your dream…
Spirit stuck in the pipes of purgatory,
and there’s no crossing over the crossed fingers wishing the dream away.
I don’t want it.
the dream of an alternate reality was never mine to claim.
you take it!
I was raised to believe in a truth that dies away in comparison to the convoluted lie that you are.
I chose not to respect your deities
and I became a tortured soul
floating behind the window you forgot to close tonight.
April 30, 2012
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ReplyDeletesnowleapord wrote on Apr 30
Negin, your poetry always moves me. It's never easy, never trite; sometimes I am simply left puzzled. But I am never bored, never wish I hadn't bothered.
I've read this twice. I shall return.
Blessings, dear Negin.
simphanee wrote on Apr 30
I can't wait to read this later when I have time to enjoy it.
Funny, I was thinking of you this morning, wondering what you have been writing lately.
Very nice to see you here........and a hug♥
simphanee wrote on May 1
I will be back, busy household here last several weeks so not much time on here."-))
simphanee wrote on May 3
I read this tonight, and so many thoughts came up with it, So personal it is, yet painting mental pictures for me I have related to.
A full piece, and as always, I love reading your expressions about our human conditions.
.
So interesting! Thanks for sharing it and I will catch ya soon♥
emeraldmoon wrote on May 5
Thank you Jon and Val, I was thinking about how much i would love to sit down and have tea with you guys!
come visit! Vancouver is gorgeous in summer :)
simphanee wrote on May 7
Wow that would be cool! I am so over due for a road trip too Emerald, and when I put it together, I would love to go see Nancy in Mississippi, and Lee in Florida. Gotta keep trying to make that happen. :-))
As always, so nice to connect with you and read you.
Catch ya later Sweets! Off to fix my car. Need a new battery me thinks.
Big Hugs to ya.
meerkatz007 wrote on Jun 15
You know, I suddenly hear Leonard Cohen singing this ... my favourite singer by the way, as well as poet! It's so strange!
emeraldmoon wrote on Jun 17
huh Tina, i've been thinking about making music for these writings of mine. have been thinking about singing them. but i can't seem to find the right music. wish i could hear your Cohen's version of this ;)
I love these little coincidences of spirits. i think of something or i dream of something and a couple of days later, i hear my dream or thought in another person's words.
meerkatz007 wrote on Jun 18
Oh yes, those must be songs :) Synchronicity means thare must be someting to it!
emeraldmoon wrote on Jun 19
god i would love that! :)