Embracing my curls

Suddenly,
today has lost its significance.

I constantly need to be reminded
that the hollow in me is not filled yet.

The tears on the picture frame,
remind me of a day when it was okay to be sad.
I didn’t have to explain to anybody
and I wouldn’t be misunderstood.

I don’t remember the talks
but I remember the faces…

I have finally got over my suppressed resentment
for every hypocrite I got to know.
Because I’ve grown to learn, that I am one of them.

I have finally come to this realization
that I should accept, me.

So,
I’m embracing my curls,
I’m embracing my memories
and I’m embracing all the things I lack;

all my flaws and all my mistakes.
It took me a long time
but I won’t straighten my hair today!

Today I let myself know
that I am moving on...

My childhood blanket
has been waiting for me all this time.
It felt like she had been weeping when I hugged her...
So I told her what I have learned while I was away.

I told her that it's ok to be sad,
because nothing is here to stay.
Things pass and morph too quickly
too quickly for us to have a chance to shed a tear over them
or smile about the little sweet moments.

Just like a little doodle,
sketched on a little piece of paper,
we're gonna lose our meaning anyway.

So we’re gonna sail right through it all,
together,
like we did that summer
and every summer for that matter.

We’re gonna be strong
and we’re gonna make sure
that we will make everyone proud;

even those who didn’t give themselves a chance
to make us proud.

This year I’m accepting...
this year I’m fine
with all the reality, that make my life
so not pink and fluffy and sweet sometimes!

This year
I’ll let the waves in my hair
redefine me. . .

July 04, 08

The Day of Descent

What?
I never lied!

I have truly built a castle out of my chaotic life,
I have ridden the fiery chariot of the gods,
And I have learned to age,
without ever growing up.

I have found clarity
from amongst my shattered conscience,
I have managed
to ignore all of my moments,
I have weaved long tales
out of the sound of the wings
of the pigeons in the neighbor's yard.

Today, all the rivers
turned into mirages,
and the asphalt,
shiny from few drops of rain,
only mirrored the blue of the sky.

After a long time
that I waited for a crow
to come and sit
on the wires of my loneliness,
I only today found out
that I have become the anguish.

Suddenly I feel
that all my life
has been a lesson
I never learned.

Suddenly
21 seem to be such a small number after all,
cuz I feel so damn old. . .

These days any little sound scares me
and every new path loses me. . .

Now I think,
if all my life,
I didn't want all the things
that were bad for me,
I could have found happiness somewhere.

I see myself in days when my hair
would dance in a breeze, of not knowing
and I had a skylight that had the sun in it,
a time when the moonlight
wouldn't kill all my stars,
days I knew,
I don't have a sea of insanity to deny.

I know about the tide now,
some nights, when I feel like the sorrow is overwhelming,
I know it's because of the flow
of the tears 
and when I have no tears to shed,
I know that every flow must have it's ebb.

I don't want the night to be so dark;
the stars can never measure up to the moonlight,

Ask the moon to stay;
I don't care tonight if all my stars are dead,
Tonight I'll understand it if I'm told that I never had a sun,
And I'll accept that I don't want anything 
Nothing at all. . .
Not even the sweet sweet candies
that used to be the simplest definition of me.

Happy Birthday indeed.

 Dec 27, 07 Tehran Iran