What if I don’t wake up tomorrow?
Or what if I just wake up and see that I’m still 9?
What if I have already died?
What if this is the dream of my afterlife?
I’m scared, all the childhood fears have returned.
I hear strange noises from under my bed at nights
and I want to leave the lights on when I sleep.
It’s a big shock you know;
when you suddenly realize that you,
are the only one who is responsible...
It’s scary when you see all the fears that you had as a child,
are all standing behind you
and now they’re called your issues.
When did this darkness become you?
When did we become sinners for believing?
When did my home become a prison?
The dark night is looming behind every single window,
and we are too terrified of the scarecrows,
which we put on every corner to keep the evil away,
that we just can’t walk up to our windows
and tear the curtain of this fake night,
down the sunrise of our souls.
when I was 5,
I could swear that the coat-hanger in the corner of my room,
moved at night; and I would hide underneath my covers, prying that I was dreaming.
and now I can see many of them, walking around every where.
A ritual’s due.
there will be a sacrifice . . . of something grand . . .
and the blood
is on the hands of my monster.
We followed the Milky Way
made up of fake little papery stars,
and it lead us to the wrongest of places.
I feel tainted.
My home is my prison...
I lit a candle,
to face the monster that has been my nightmare all my life.
and for the first time, I opened my eyes to see...just to see,
that there's an spitting image of me,
standing there with blood on her hands...
Is it a price we had to pay for a life that was never mine to begin with?
...We had to sacrifice...to live.
A moment of clarity,
as if lucid for the first time...
we killed our freedom and chose a lifetime,
without it.
What have we done?
July 17, 2008
