Untitled...

The tender beating of his treacherous heart… The silent surrender of my soul… There's a hole in me and I can feel the wind blowing through me…like the anguish taking over me… The soft sands throbbing in my hands, like a living creature moving in me, growing in me… The dark of the sky blending in the blue of the sea… The odd clouds shaping my memories, fading…fading into something numb… I love the Sea with an undeniable fear in my heart…I wanna go back home… … I woke up in a cold trance…a dream with no dimension! An old gypsy took my hands and cried and my hands were full of crimson little worms turning into black butterflies… I'm scared… I touched the window and I stained the sky, now I burn in an illusion of a sin… I don't know why "old" is all I feel… A miracle happened and my sore throat closed any chance of a scream… Some one asked me: do you sew sorrow in your hair each night when you brush it? And then I gathered all the pains like rosary beads, like pills of pomegranate, and put them underneath my mattress so that nobody sees it and at nights as I sleep I feel them aching under the left side of my chest… In the room of 1460 days of battle, beside its huge window, with her always spread prayer rug, with a tired voice and shiny eyes, like having a little drop of tear within that she never sheds for all the sown seeds she never reaped, she is sitting, looking at the sky… "It's late, go get some sleep" she said… My mother is always afraid of the gray clouds in the sky… I look at "me" in the mirror…the invincible reflection of "NegiN", with eyes that seems to be reading a tragedy for the thousands time. I have always loved the cliché story of "the God that is just near by"… I just sometimes forget that I am so blessed… I should break the mirrors today… I just wanna wake up… ... I opened the blinds and the big yellow fish was starring at death on the surface of water… maybe it was the truth of "me" that made me fall to my knees… Oct 18, 2007 Babol Iran